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How To Choose The Perfect Sex Toy Every Time

The perfect sex toy can improve your sexual health, fix a dead bedroom and help you keep up with your own libido. What’s not to love, right?

Today is the day you make the big decision.But choosing the wrong toy can have negative effects too!In the spirit of coming to terms with who you are sexually, this post will teach you the right way to choose a sexual companion or accompaniment during what can sometimes be a contentious and stressful process.Consider this your buying guide to an ideal sex toy that will meet your needs, whatever they may be! Follow the steps, or skip to a spot in the post that is most appropriate for your situation.

6 Super-Easy Steps To Selecting Adult Toys

Choosing a new sex toy is not as easy as you would think.

What if you rush into it and buy the wrong thing? What happens if you get a gift for your significant other that isn’t well-received?

When you follow our super-easy process, it drastically improves your chances of choosing the best possible toy for your specific needs.

Step 1: Identify The Why

The first thing you have to do is look at why you want a fun sex toy. If it’s because of a problem you are having, you have to spell it out for yourself.

If it’s because you love sexual exploration and are looking for exciting experiences – that’s great. Your fundamental reason for wanting a toy will tell you a lot about finding one.

Here are some common whys!

  • My husband and I are in a sexual rut and I want to reignite the desire between us
  • My girlfriend is not sexually explorative and I want to change that with the right toy
  • I am bored by the way I touch myself and would like to try something different
  • I need to replace an ‘old favourite’ that has broken, worn out or died

Whatever your personal ‘why’ might be, your chosen toy needs to meet that need. Hold it in mind as you continue through this selection process.

Step 2: Understand The Who

A big part of choosing your perfect sex toy is knowing who it is for. This will help you consider the right factors when making your final decision:

  • The toy is for me
  • The toy is for us as a couple
  • The toy is for my significant other
  • The toy is a gift for a friend

Pick one and take note of any considerations surrounding your “who.”

For example, adult toys for an exciting bachelorette party should match the expectations and personality of the bride.

Step 3: Think About The Where

Where you decide to buy a quality sex toy from is important.

Many local and online retailers in South Africa stock a mix of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ quality items – the worst of which can be harmful to your health.

There is zero government regulation of the adult toy industry, and it is not uncommon to find toxic, disease causing chemicals in intimate items these days.

Cheap toys contain poisonous phthalates that leech into your body, and recent studies have shown that these chemicals can have a negative effect on the male reproductive system, on your liver, kidneys, lungs and they cause hormone disruption!

At Désir, we only stock 100% body safe, non-toxic toys – but few other retailers do.
Be aware!

Step 4: Research The What

What kind of toy are you searching for? Match your ‘why’ to your ‘what.’
Ladies that want external clitoral pleasure Bullet and clitoral vibrators, oral sex stimulator
Ladies looking to improve vaginal health Kegel exercises, Ben-Wa balls
Ladies that want internal g-spot pleasure Vibrators, dildos, Ben-Wa balls
Ladies that want a combination of both Rabbit vibrators, dual-stimulation toys
Ladies that prefer something discreet Non-anatomical vibrators, eggs, mini vibrators
Ladies that want a realistic looking toy Realistic vibrators and dildos
Ladies that want a travel companion Lipstick vibrators, clitoral stimulators
Couples that want to enhance sex Cock rings, penis sleeves, penis pumps
Couples that want to indulge in the toy together Remote controlled vibrators, eggs and dildos
Couples that want something different or new Costumes, handcuffs, restraints, strap-ons, e-stim units
Men that prefer something discreet Male masturbators, vibrating eggs
Men that want deep prostate stimulation Anal plugs, dildos, prostate massagers, anal beads
Men that want a realistic sexual experience Fleshlights, male masturbators
Men that want a realistic looking toy Fleshlights, dildos, vibrators
Men that want to add kink to the experience Blindfolds, masks, paddles

Spend some time researching your desired sex toy. Take note of sizes, shapes, battery life, materials and potential uses to arrive at a selection of appropriate finalists.

Step 5: Consider The When

Now that you have taken the time to consider the why, who, where and what – think about when you are choosing to buy and how that impacts your decision.

A fun, safe sex toy can be consumable for a special occasion, or you can invest in something that will last for years.

It is best to buy the less expensive version of a toy first if you have never used it before. That way when the time comes for the luxury purchase, you’ve given it a good test run.

  • Is there a special occasion?
  • Are there financial constraints?
  • Are there special promotions running at specific times of the month?

Step 6: Adjust The How-Much

The final step is a simple one – determine your budget. Generally speaking the amount you spend on a toy is directly related to your experience and familiarity.




  • When using a toy for the first time, test an entry-level, affordable model
  • Once the type of toy has been tested, check the brands on offer and the pros and cons
  • Think about usage – heavy use requires better quality materials and power
  • Take luxury into account, as the price rises so does reliability, quality and feel
  • Buying online is often cheaper than in-store sales

With all these factors taken into account you will be well-equipped to choose a toy that suits your tastes and needs.

See our full range of couple’s toys here.

Buying Stages: Know Your Sexy Toy Experience Level

One of the most common mistakes buyers make is that they fail to take their experience level into account when deciding on the best sex toy to buy. Here are the rules:

You are a beginner if you have never used a particular type of toy before, or if you are just entering the wonderful world of sexual exploration for the first time.

Toys for beginners usually include the more discreet vibrators and stimulators that are non-threatening and classically styled to be functional and innocent-looking.

#1 Scoop Charged 20 Speed Clitoral Vibrator – Screaming O

#2 Satisfyer Pro 2 – Air Stimulating Clitoral Stimulator – Satisfyer

#3 Slap & Tickle Beginners BDSM Kit with Soft Tip Bullet Vibrator | Rocks Off

You are at the intermediate level if you have used a type of sex toy before, and now you are on the hunt for something of a better quality, material or shape.Refinement is key here.

Toys for intermediate users are more durable, cost a bit more and introduce raunchier experiences into the bedroom. They are also specialised as you focus more intently on a specific kind of range you enjoy, or kink you want to explore.

#1 Angel Warming Rabbit Vibrator – Svakom

#2 W100 Classic Clitoral Stimulator – Womanizer

Noa Premium Ultra Soft 6 Speed Couples Massager – LELO

You are an advanced user if you know what turns you on and have years of experience trying out different types of sex toy to meet your needs.Chances are, you buy high quality, luxury items that last for heavy use, and know the role that each toy plays in your collection.

Toys for advanced users are often extremely specific, high end and fit into your chosen fetish or the kind of games you like to play in the bedroom.

#1 Primo Warming Plug Vibrator with Remote Control – Svakom

#2 The Whooper Swan Powerful Rabbit Vibrator – Swan

#3 Anniversary Collection Featuring Sync & Tango Vibrators with Storage Case – We-Vibe


How To Buy Her a Sex Toy


Buying adult toys for her is easy when you know what she likes. Gauge what turns her on and match it to her experience level for best results.

Take her sexual personality into account, and what you do together in the bedroom. Run through our 6 steps to buying the perfect sex toy.

Arielle Pardes has a great post on what you can learn from female sex toys on Menshealth.com here.

See our full range of female sex toys here.

How To Buy Him a Sex Toy

Buying a sex toy for a man is a bit harder than buying one for a woman, because there is still such a stigma attached to them.

Take some time to get to know what your man wants and enjoys in the bedroom, and have a frank conversation about the toys he finds sexy.

Shauna Robinson has a thought-provoking post on why you should buy your man a toy here.

See our full range of male sex toys here.


Choosing the best possible sex toy store in your area is a good start to finding that ideal companion. But if ‘face-to-face’ shopping isn’t for you, there are better alternatives.

More and more people are opting to buy online, where they can search the toys they like without judgement and in complete anonymity.

So the next time you ask, ‘where are the sex toy stores near me?’ and have a mini panic attack over the stress of going there, just sign in online.

Get your sexy toy essentials here.

Delivery in South Africa is quick and discreet, so once you have browsed around our online store for a while, your new sex toy will be winging its way towards you in a matter of hours. Done and done!

Find out how to revive your sex life with male and female sex toys here, or discover how to create ultimate romance when you buy sex toys online here, in more educational posts from Désir.

What Do You Think?

Thank you for reading our post, we hope you found it helpful. In the spirit of our mission we have one more thing to ask you! What problems do you encounter when choosing sexy toys? What do you worry about most when deciding what to buy? You can leave us a message on our adult shop contact us page or your can leave a comment below. We would really appreciate your feedback and input.

About Désir Intimate Collection


Désir Intimate Collection is South Africa’s most exclusive online store, devoted to giving our clientele private access to the finest designer brands on the intimate luxury market. Headquartered in Camps Bay, Cape Town, Désir Online has one main goal – to help our customers find stronger intimacy, form closer relationships and build passionate love lives by dispelling the myths and social stigmas that prevent people from sensual exploration & expression.

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