Our showroom, situated at 13 Totnes Ave, Camps Bay, is open with strict hygiene protocols in place to ensure your safety. Mondays to Fridays 9am to 6pm, Saturdays 10am to 5pm.
Désir Diaries / Sex Toy Guide / 7 Rules You Need To Memorize About Confident Anal Play

7 Rules You Need To Memorize About Confident Anal Play

Anal play can be just as exciting as other forms of foreplay. If you are considering amplifying your play with a sex toy or two, this post spells out the rules that will give you the confidence you need.

When it comes to playing with an area of this nature, it’s easy to become doubt ridden. It’s not like you can call up a friend and ask them how to make sure every anal experience you have results in pleasure, fun and further exploration!

The critical ingredient in any bum play is confidence. When you know what you are doing and what your partner likes, and are sure about the rules of engagement – no embarrassing situations will crop up. That’s why your first step into this niche area has to focus on the rules.

There are so many ways to enjoy anal experiences, which can be amplified and heightened by a superb collection of quality anal toys that come in a host of shapes, sizes and preferences.

My bet is that your confidence will skyrocket once you genuinely know the rules of good anal play.

The History of Anal Sex: Exposed!

According to a survey done by The Journal of Sexual Medicine more people are having anal sex than ever before – 40% of people in fact. As one of the most persistent taboos in sexual history, this is a startling statistic, considering that your average person refuses to broach the subject.

Interestingly, types of anal play have been depicted in ancient art since 500 BC. Heterosexual depictions cropped up as early as 300AD. More than one thousand years ago people were enjoying bum pleasure!

With so many varied studies proving that we have indulged and do on a regular basis – why is it still considered so strange and abnormal? Surely by now we should know that it’s a natural part of sex and sexual expression!

If you find the bum area a turn on and want to step into the exciting world of anal play, it’s important that you realize you are not alone. Not by a long shot. If you were there would not be such a vast and extensive market for quality anal sex toys.

The Rules and Why You Need To Memorize Them

The biggest problem with anal toys and bum exploration in general is that people tend to shy away from educating themselves about it. This causes first experiences to be painful, scary and uncomfortable for everyone involved.

If you have had a less-than-thrilling experiences with intimate anal play then there is a good chance it’s because you did it wrong. You didn’t know the rules! No-one even told you there were rules.

Bottom line: Aside from the main bits (vagina and penis) your bum is the second most pleasurable area on your body. It’s brimming with nerve-endings and is directly involved in orgasm.

Here are the rules!

#1: The First Rule of Bum Play is That You ALWAYS Talk About Bum Play (No Surprises!)

Thanks to the powerful stigma attached to couples anal play, more than one partner has attempted to broach the subject by trying their luck during sexual stimulation. It rarely goes well.

Even if your significant other is willing, the lack of education usually results in heightened nerves and stress, which amplifies rectal pain. The result – a declaration that all anal sex is out of the question.

That is why the first rule of bum play is that you must always talk about it first. There is no such thing as a good surprise when it comes to your rear end. Men and women both need time to emotionally adjust, mentally prepare and be physically stimulated to a point where pleasurable play is possible.

Communication and education is the missing link in many cases. Don’t believe us? Caitlin Corsetti wrote a post on real women discussing their thoughts on anal play for Gurl.com.

Can you see the lack of education/communication here?

I would never lick or allowing licking near my bum Did you know barriers are commonly used?
A butt is just a butt, no sexual pleasure there at all False, consider you may be doing it wrong
I have done it but it hurt Butt play should never hurt!
He can do it to me but I’m not doing it to him But men can have powerful anal orgasms?

#2: The Second Rule Is That Cleanliness In Those Nethers Is King, Queen and Court

Part of the reason why people don’t like talking about the bum region is that it is generally considered a dirty place, even though it’s not. First of all, a bum is nothing like a vagina and so different cleaning regimens have to be in place.

For comfortable anal play you have to know how a rectum works. The tube for passing feces that will be involved in play, rarely stores any there unless you are just about to have a bowel movement. That means you need to clear away the small amount that remains and do a thorough wash.

Cleanliness regimes include anal douching, which will leave you confident in your hygiene. Check out our 3 piece anal douche kit here.

#3: The Third Rule Is To Always Massage Bum Muscles Into Relaxation

Unlike a vagina you can’t go into anal sex without considerable foreplay. This is because your anus has 2 sphincter muscles, one on the outside and one on the inside. The inside sphincter is controlled by your autonomic nervous system and it needs to be relaxed before penetration.

The general rule is ‘no penetration before cheek and rectal massage’ which will radically improve your anal play and allow your toys to be inserted without pain, fear or struggle.

#4: The Fourth Rule Is That Fingers or a Small Toy Begin The Play

Even though the rectum is not as sensitive as a vagina or a penis, it is a sensitive area nonetheless. Most pleasure will be derived externally where most of the nerve-endings are – but a man’s stimulation with fingers is key to arousing his g-spot for more intense orgasms.

As a rule, fingers should always begin tender anal play because of physical feedback. If fingers are not your thing, a small toy can also be used to stimulate and arouse the area into relaxing.

#5: The Fifth Rule Is That Maximum Lubricant Should Be Used at All Times

It should go without saying that a rectum is not a vagina, and yet they are treated like the same thing in many anal encounters. A vagina produces natural lubrication, whereas your bum does not. Be especially careful with toys which tend to dry out quickly during use.

The best kinds of anal play use a ton of lubricant to ensure maximum comfort and pleasure, without snagging, pinching and spasms resulting from inadequate care taken in this area.

Get sex toy essentials here

#6: The Sixth Rule Is To Not Try To Enjoy Bum Play When Angry, Upset or Stressed

Emotional readiness is directly related to your involuntary nervous system. There are good reasons why anal play is harder when you are upset, stressed or angry – your sphincter is more likely to tense, spasm and be unwilling to comply with your partners wishes.

As a rule, you should actively try to relax and become genuinely turned on during anal play, to guarantee a pleasurable experience – or it can get really painful and you have no real control over it.

#7: The Seventh Rule of Anal Fun Is To Be Responsible In Every Way

The final The final rule of playing with your partner’s rear is to always be responsible, emotionally, physically and intimately. Start with smaller and narrower anal-specific toys such as the Fifty Shades of Grey Delicious Fullness Butt Plug, and work your way up to dildos and vibrators for different pleasurable sensations.

Responsibility means being safe, clean and caring – during your anal play sessions.

Memorize The Rules and Don’t Stop Learning

With these basic rules under your belt, you’re on the road to becoming someone that understands the art of anal play, with all of its nuances and eccentricities. Enjoy creating incredible pleasure in your partner with a range of creative toys that will ramp up the intensity of your orgasms.

So, “What are the rules when using anal sex toys?”

  1. Communicate first.
  2. Hygiene matters.
  3. Bum and rectal massage initiates.
  4. Fingers or small toys initially.
  5. Lubricate!
  6. Check on emotional response.
  7. Be responsible.

These rules will help you play with each other confidently!

To learn more, check out our posts on your first toys for sex here, or find out how to choose vibrating sex toys here.

What Do You Think?

Thank you for reading our post, we hope you found it helpful. In the spirit of our mission we have one more thing to ask you! What is the one toy you believe all anal play enthusiasts should aspire to own? Do you have a specific reason for your choice? You can leave us a message on our adult shop contact us page or your can leave a comment below. We would really appreciate your feedback and input.

About Jade


I am the Operations Manager at Désir & feel so privileged to have been a part of this adventure from the very beginning, conceptualizing and building our amazing lingerie and sex toy ranges. Having a Diploma in Business Analysis my aim is to assist in the streamlining of processes, thereby ensuring maximum efficiency, remaining relevant by keeping up to date with trends, and producing statistical analysis in order to meet our consumer’s needs.

Check Also

The Best Sex Toys to Help With ED

Along with medication, sex toys can help solve erectile dysfunction. While medication is a highly …

Notice: ob_end_flush(): failed to send buffer of zlib output compression (0) in /home/desirco/public_html/blog/wp-includes/functions.php on line 4350