Désir Diaries / Custom Category / Sex Toy Buyers Guide – All you need to know Encyclopedia!

Sex Toy Buyers Guide – All you need to know Encyclopedia!

sex toy guide With so many categories to shop from, whether you are a beginner or an avid sex toy user, shopping for intimate products can be over-whelming, frustrating, and can lead you to purchasing a product that you never intended to in the first place. Désir’s products are investment pieces, and we would never want you to purchase a product that you were not entirely sure of, or that left you disappointed and hampered your erotic journey. So we undertook the important task of breaking it down for you in our comprehensive Buyers Guide  – product by product – with the pro’s and con’s of each category and what these sometimes scary looking products are intended for. Intimacy is a journey, and often requires dialogue, practice, play, and perseverance. Remember, if at any time it is uncomfortable – stop. And if you are still not sure on which purchase to invest in, contact our client concierge on 0860 994 160, info@desir.co.za, or via our live chat where we will guide you on where to start.


A light tingle or a deep rumble may be just the thing to take your orgasm from good to great. In fact, for many women, a vibrator is the only way to orgasm. About 75% of women can’t reach orgasm from penetration alone. Many have never orgasmed with a partner, even though they enjoy the intimacy and pleasure of the act. Others don’t see what all the fuss is about, because although they’ve had orgasms, they haven’t had the chance to explore the many possibilities for pleasure that the human body offers us.
Vibrators can change this. They can provide different types of stimulation, and can be directed to specific pleasure zones. They can be used solo for exploring your own pleasure, or with a partner to help bring out or enhance your orgasm. Vibrators can never take the place of a loving, respectful partner, but they can up the pleasure game for everyone.

Whenever you’re considering a powered sex toy, look at how often and how long you’ll be using it for. Battery powered toys are often more compact and lightweight, but the batteries don’t last very long. Rechargeables, with internal lithium ion batteries, usually last for quite some time before needing recharging. They’re more pricey, but well worth the ease of use and more powerful motors.

Vibrators come in every shape and size you can imagine, and deliver on the spot pleasure exactly where you like it. You’ll never look back once you’ve added one of these to your personal pleasure repertoire. And don’t believe they’re only for vulvas. There are amazing vibrating toys for penises too, and some very special ones for those who enjoy things a little more rear-facing.

We think you should try them all, of course, before settling on your “favourite favourite”. Start with the handbag-friendly bullet vibe (travel-friendly versions fit perfectly in with your make-up supplies, making them extra-discreet). Next on the list: try out a wand vibrator with various speed and power options, or go straight for the dual stimulation of the popular rabbit vibrator. Below we explain the different types of vibrators and their purpose.

Rabbit Vibrator

Rabbit Vibrator
Rabbit Vibrators have two arms, usually one longer and one shorter. The longer arm is inserted into the vagina, while the shorter arm lies on the exterior of the vulva and stimulates the clitoris. The majority of women do not orgasm from penetration alone, so the extra clitoral stimulation can make a big difference to your pleasure. The early rabbit vibrators had a large internal shaft with rotating balls inside it. The shorter exterior arm often had a little rabbit shape at the end, with ‘ears’ that vibrated on the clitoris. Those ‘traditional’ rabbit vibrators are still popular, but now you can find them in a variety of designs and sizes. For best results, look for a rabbit vibrator that has some flexibility in the shafts so that it’s adaptable to your body’s shape and needs.

Bullet Vibrator

bullet vibrators


Bullet vibrators are so named for their shape and size. They’re usually about five centimetres long, with a pointed tip. The tip is designed to target the clitoris with pinpoint accuracy. They’re discreet, quiet and travel-friendly. Most bullet vibrators use batteries, but some new models are rechargeable. Their small size and battery-driven motors means they’re less powerful than some bigger models, but their shape and easy hand-held size make up for it. Some larger toys use bullet vibrators to add a bit of buzz, so you might find cock rings or anal toys that have a loop designed to hold a bullet vibrator. These toys are often good value for money: although the power isn’t very high, the bullet vibrator is inexpensive and replaceable.


The female g-spot is located on the inside front wall of the vagina, a few centimetres in. Some women find this a very sensitive spot, though it’s not that easy for everyone. The g-spot does become more sensitive following a clitoral orgasm, so that may be the best time to aim for it. G-spot dildos and vibrators are shaped to target this particular spot. They often have a curve and a flattened head to press against the g-spot when inserted into the vagina. Guide the vibrator slowly into your vagina, tilting it toward the front wall, until you feel that more sensitive spot. You may find that stimulation of your g-spot makes you feel a little like you need to urinate. Try to relax, as this feeling will pass as the g-spot orgasm builds. G-spot dildos, obviously, work in much the same way, but don’t have the bonus of vibration so require manual thrusting or rocking of the dildo to stimulate the g-spot. We don’t knock this, as it works better for some than vibrators do. Remember: everyone’s body is unique and has its own way of being honoured.


Clitoral Vibrators

Most clitoral vibrators are small, battery-powered vibrators designed to focus on the head of the clitoris. They’re easily held in the hand, and usually have a bullet shape, or a gently rounded head. Some are cleverly disguised as lipsticks, or even jewellery, so it’s easy to keep your favourite stress-relief tool on hand. Some vibrators designed specifically for the clitoris create a sucking action, rather than vibration. These are generally a bit larger, and are rechargeable. They are very effective, and many women swear that orgasms are guaranteed when using one of these. Whatever your preference in shape and vibration, we recommend clitoral vibrators as the must-have toy. If you’re a first-time toy buyer, and have a clitoris, start with one of these.

Wand Vibrators

Ah, the wand vibrator. They’re large, and heavy, and may have cords that get in the way. They’re also the best thing to happen to the vulva since orgasms were discovered. Used externally, wand vibrators massage the whole vulva. They’re incredibly powerful, with a deep, rumbly vibration that is perfect for building to fantastic orgasms. Newer models of wand vibrator are rechargeable, making them easier to hold, and still brilliantly powerful (though some swear by the original plug-in models for really strong vibrations).

Hold the vibrator against the vulva and start on the lowest setting. They really are strong, and may take some getting used to. If you’re particularly sensitive, you may want to keep panties or even a small folded cloth between your body and the wand until you’ve got used to the sensation. Don’t worry: not only will you get used to it, you’ll soon love it!

So if it’s deep, rumbly sensations you are after, whether it’s external or internal, vibrators are you absolute go to. With so many options on the market, make sure you understand the difference between dual-stimulating, clitoral only, rechargeable, battery operated, and bulleted. A vibrator can make the world of difference when it comes to needing additional stimulation, so pick wisely.



People have used dildos for pleasure for thousands of years. Dildos made of stone, wax and various other substances have been found at archaeological digs all over the world. They are used for penetration of the vagina or anus, and don’t vibrate (unlike mains or battery-powered vibrators). Dildos for men are usually designed for anal use, while women may use dildos either vaginally or anally depending on their preference.

(Important tip: you can use the same toy in either the vagina or the anus but not during the same session unless you clean it off or use a new condom on the toy when changing between anus and vagina. Minute bits of faecal material on a dildo or other toy can quickly cause infections if transferred to the vagina.)

Today, wood, glass, ceramic and various other materials are still used to fashion phallic shapes. Most popular, of course, are budget-friendly, body-safe silicones and plastics. When it comes to shape and size, your imagination is pretty much the only limit. There are very naturalistic dildos, including ones with or without testicles attached, in various skin tones or colours. These are often the most popular for use as strap-on dildos. There are thick dildos; thin ones; curved ones; long dildos, double-ended dildos and dildos with ridges, bumps or spines. There are dildos shaped like dolphins and dildos shaped like dumbbells. Some have suction cups to hold them against a floor, counter or wall. Others have stoppers to make them safe for anal as well as vaginal play. Some are specially weighted, or have internal balls that move as you thrust them.

They may not have motors, but dildos come in such a variety of shapes, sizes and materials that there’s certainly something for every desire. We explain these below.

Glass Dildos

Glass dildos are, first and foremost, beautiful. They generally have stunning patterns and colours that make your dildo not just a pleasure product, but a joy to look at. But obviously that’s really what you’re after in a dildo. More importantly, glass is a non-porous material that is easily cleaned. It won’t degrade or pick up bacteria, and it tends to resist dust and grime if kept in a reasonably clean drawer or toy bag. Glass dildos are usually made of extremely strong, shatter-resistant glass, so you can be confident they’re not going to break while in use. Pop your glass dildo in your dishwasher, or give it a good soaping, after you’ve used it. Couldn’t be easier.

Double-Ended Dildos

Double-ended dildos are very useful for heterosexual, lesbian, gay or just your standard queer-and-loving-it couples. Pretty much, they’re every couple’s best toybag secret, and we’ll let you in on an extra secret: they can also be great fun for solo play if you have a vagina. Some double-ended dildos are flexible in the central part (these are the easiest to use, in general) and can be bent and used for penetration of the vagina and the anus at the same time for double the fun! For couples, insert one end of the dildo into one partner’s anus or vagina, and do the same for the other partner. Use plenty of lube and, if it’s your first time with anal play, take it slow and gentle. Once you have the dildo inserted comfortably for both partners, any movement by either partner will provide sensation for the other…. The possibilities are mind-boggling.

G-Spot Dildos

G-spot dildos, like their motorised counterpart the g-spot vibrator, are inserted into the vagina to target the g-spot. This legendary spot is no myth: it’s a slightly rough and spongy patch of flesh on the front wall of the vagina, a few centimetres in. For some women, it’s the source of their best orgasms, and can even cause squirting. For others, it’s less of an adventure. If you respond to g-spot stimulation, a specially shaped g-spot dildo can help you to achieve those excellent orgasms.

Naturalistic Dildos

Dildos come in a huge variety of shapes and sizes, including naturalistic dildos. These are shaped like an erect penis, often with testicles at the end of the shaft. Some just have the shape, others are very realistic dildos, right down to veins and a very real ‘skin’ feel to them. Just as cocks come in all sizes, so do natural shaped dildos, going right up to the 16 inch dildos modelled on the cocks of famous porn stars. Naturalistic dildos are often used in harnesses, for pegging or strap-on sex. They frequently have flat ends, or suction cups at the end, so that they can be used in the shower or in a strap-on harness. When buying your realistic dildo, make sure you check the length and width to get the size that turns you on the most.

Anal Dildos

In theory, you could use any regular classic, g-spot or naturalistic dildo in the anus. If those are used in a strap-on harness, they’re perfectly safe. The best dildos for anal use, though, are ones designed for the purpose, with a stopper at the end. The stopper may simply be a wider point in the dildo, or it may be a noticeable flat end. These stoppers prevent the dildo from being pulled into your anus by the action of your sphincter. For safety purposes, this is a must. The sphincter muscle is very strong, and is stimulated by anal play. Any anal toy you use should have a stopper and should be made of body-safe materials. Remember to use lots of lube in this area, too. Apart from these safety notes, there’s no limit to what size or shape of anal dildo you can enjoy. Beginners to anal play might prefer to start with a smaller butt plug, while experienced anal enthusiasts will find even large dildos provide great pleasure.

Sex Toys for Him

Why, you may ask, would you lay out cash when you have a perfectly good hand at your disposal? If you don’t know yet how many ways your whole body can experience pleasure, we have got some treats in store for you! And if you already know how to get the best out of your penis, balls and anus, then go ahead and pick out your favourite guys’ sex toys! Maybe you’re interested in penis enhancement (bigger, firmer, longer) with a pump or stretcher, or just with a good cock ring? Perhaps you’re looking for a better masturbator? We have a range of strokers and vibrators, and of course the authentic Fleshlight range. Want to experience the joy of prostate massage? We’ve got it all, plus of course the condoms, lube, and enhancing creams to make your sex life, whether solo or partnered, so much better. We explain all of these categories a little further, so that you are not left intimidated or overwhelmed with this large category of products.

Penis Enhancers

We’d love to tell you there’s a guaranteed way to make your penis longer and thicker overnight, but there really isn’t. And, to be honest, it’s not that important. Pleasuring your partner is not about the size of your penis, but we also know that your size makes a big difference to your confidence and self-esteem – and this is where we would like to help.

Whilst there are certainly products that can offer long-term results for penis extension and an increase in girth, the same products that promise to deliver growth are also excellent for problems with erectile dysfuntion (ED) or premature ejucalation (PE). So, whatever purpose you’re planning to put them to, here’s a quick breakdown of how the best penis enlargement products work.

Penis Pumps

Penis pumps, whether air- or water- powered, create a vacuum in the tube around your penis. This pulls blood into the area, causing the penis to swell. Pumps are one of the most popular methods of enlargement, and are also really useful for getting, and keeping, an erection. Check the size of the pump and what penis size it’s designed to accommodate. Choose an authentic, brand-make penis pump for best quality, safety and results.

Penis Enlargers

Penis enlargers stretch the penis on a frame. This creates many little ‘tears’ in the penile tissue, much like the tears created in muscle when you lift weights. The healing process is what should build the length and girth you’re looking for. While you may not see spectacular results (nobody is going from 8cm to 15, no matter how long they keep the enlarger on for), you’ll certainly see some difference after regular use.

Apart from these tools, there are a number of creams and sprays designed to give the cock a quick ‘oomph’ in size and sensitivity. Remember to follow package instructions on these so as not to give your partner an unexpected dose themselves.

Penis Sleeves

Penis sleeves are the perfect quick-win when it comes to providing you with additional length and girth without the regime of a penis enlargement workout programme. Traditionally made from body-safe silicone, they are shaped much like a prosthetic and are hollow on the inside. By sliding these sleeves onto your shaft, with the help of a little lubricant, you immediately gain inches in both your girth size and length depending on the size of the sleeve in use. From clear, vibrating sleeves, to flesh like realistic designs, the options here are endless. Sleeves are the perfect addition if you are looking for a quick-non-invasive enlargement device to satisfy your partner.

Cock Rings

We’re amazed that such a simple tool has such a huge impact, but it truly does. The right cock ring will enhance your penis, making it fuller, longer and harder. And it’ll help you keep it up for longer. What could be better? Cock rings come in a few variations. The basic idea is that the ring is put around the penis while it’s flaccid, usually at the base. Some rings go around both the cock and the balls, others go just below the crown at the top of the penis. As you become aroused and get harder, the ring constricts around your penis, ‘trapping’ the blood that’s already engorging you. This has the effect of making the cock feel a lot harder and wider. Pro tip: watch for any hairs catching in the ring when you’re putting it on. They’ll be quite a distraction when they get pulled as your penis hardens. Ouch!


So, masturbation is masturbation is masturbation. True. But think about this: Do you want to pump into something, or stroke? Do you want vibration or just the right texture? Are you looking for that real body feeling that only the Fleshlight can provide? Choosing the right masturbator for the moment will put your session over the edge. So, pick one kind of masturbator for a longer, more satisfying pull, or another for a quickie after work to ease the tension. Don’t settle for less, when you can choose from the best.


Fleshlight masturbators are one of the most popular masturbators for men, for good reason. Desir only stocks authentic Fleshlight toys, with the classic real-feel vaginas. Fleshlight has a huge range of one-shot or reusable masturbation toys that feel just like the real thing (there are vagina, anus and mouth simulators in the range) and are made of only high-quality materials. Don’t be taken in by fakes, which fall apart or, worse, are made of lousy materials that harbour bacterial growth. Make sure you get an authentic Fleshlight – the materials, design and quality will be well worth it.

Men’s Vibrating

Most toys made for guys can be found in vibrating or non-vibrating versions. Stroker or thruster masturbators can have vibrating motors to enhance pleasure. Cock rings may have small motors to make them more couple-friendly, and anal toys with motors increase sensation to the prostate.

Cock rings fit around the penis and make you harder and longer-lasting. Add a small vibrator at the top of the cock ring and your pleasure is increased along with your partner’s. With each thrust, the vibrator will come in contact with your partner’s clit or taint, adding extra stimulation.

Vibrating prostate massagers or anal toys can make it easier to achieve prostate orgasm. These toys have motors in the base (sitting outside of the anus) or in the tip, touching the prostate. If you are particularly sensitive, you may prefer a toy with an external motor. For those finding prostate orgasm elusive, a vibrating toy might be just the thing to take you over the edge.


Sex Toys for Couples

More and more sex toys are being designed so that you can include your partner in the fun. Toys that give you both pleasure are a real winner in our book. The toys most often described as ‘couples’ toys’ are a horseshoe shape that fits comfortably with one arm inside the vagina and the other reaching toward the clitoris. When a partner lies against the wearer, or penetrates them, the vibrations from one or both arms can be felt by both partners. There are other types of couple’s sex toys, like double-ended dildos, that can be used for penetration by both partners at the same time – these are particularly useful for lesbian couples, allowing you to both enjoy simultaneous penetration. Strap-on dildos are also considered to be couples’ toys, as they’re worn by one partner to pleasure the other. And of course, one of our favourites is the remote-controlled love egg or vibrating panty: discreetly worn by one partner and controlled by the other to make that boring cocktail party a night to remember!

Dildos for couples

Any dildo can be used by a couple to pleasure each other with vaginal or anal penetration, by holding the dildo in the hand and stroking or thrusting as your partner desires. You could also add a harness (not all dildos are harness compatible, but if the dildo has a flat bottom end you should be in luck). Most often, strap-on harnesses are worn by women so they can use a dildo to penetrate a female or male partner.

You can also get double-ended dildos, which may have a flexible middle section or be rigid throughout. These can be inserted into the vagina of one partner and the anus of another, or the vaginas or anuses of two partners. As each partner then moves back and forth, they create movement that pleasures both.

Some of the flexible double-ended dildos are designed so that they can be used either between a couple or as a U-shaped double dildo for simultaneous vaginal and anal penetration on one person.

Love Rings for couples

Cock rings with added vibration can provide extra stimulation for both partners. When the cock ring is put on to the penis, the vibrating motor will touch the clit or taint of their partner with each thrust. Cock rings can also be put on to dildos for use by hand or in strap-ons, to add some delicious tingling sensations.

Vibrators for couples

Vibrating toys that can be worn during penetration are the most popular kinds of couple’s sex toys. They’re usually U-shaped, and are worn with one end inside the vagina and the other tucked against the vulva and stimulating the clitoris. There should still be plenty of room for penetration with this toy in place, and both partners can enjoy the vibrating sensations.

Some vibrators are designed to be worn in strap-on harnesses, so that while one partner enjoys penetration, the other still has vibration to stimulate the clitoris. These can be awkwardly depending on your body and how your harness fits, so experiment with the best shapes and lengths of dildos for your strap-on before spending extra money on a vibrator for this purpose.
Vibrating cock-rings and remote-controlled vibrating eggs or panties are also fun couple toys.

Remote Control for couples

Remote control toys are very popular for couples play. They are designed so that you don’t need to touch the toy in order to switch it on or off, or change settings. Many newer toys use phone apps for remote control, making them very discreet. These toys can, of course, be controlled by the wearer, but it’s lots of fun to hand the control to a partner and let them tease and titillate you at their leisure. The most popular kinds of remote controlled sex toys for this kind of couples’ fun are eggs. The egg-shaped toy is inserted into the vagina, stimulating the g-spot whenever it’s turned on. Also popular are remote-controlled vibrating panties. These usually have a bullet vibrator or similar that fits into a kind of pocket in the pantie, holding it snugly against the clitoris. A remote control then allows the wearer or their partner to turn the toy, and themselves, on at will.

Other couples’ toys, like the horseshoe shaped toys worn during intercourse, also have remote controls, as their design makes them awkward to reach when you want to switch them on or off or change the pattern setting.

Anal Sex Toys

Gone are the days when folks were ashamed to admit they enjoyed a bit of back-door action. Sensible sexy folk know this is just one more erogenous zone packed with sensitive nerve endings. Plus: everyone has an anus. No matter what your, or your partner’s, gender or body configuration, there’s that sweet spot in back that leads to orgasmic bliss for all. Whether it’s the p-spot* or the fabled a-spot**, there’s a point a little way in and facing toward the belly-button that, with the right stimulation, can bring on the biggest orgasm ever!

When you’re enjoying anal play, remember to use Plenty of Lube: this area does not produce its own lubrication. Go slow and steady, and stop if you’re feeling uncomfortable or sore.
Remember to use toys with a stopper at the base, so they don’t get pulled in by that excitable sphincter muscle. Above all, relax and enjoy!

Check out our range of smaller butt plugs for beginners, or try anal beads to add oomph to your orgasm. Prostate massagers do double duty, providing pleasure and keeping the prostate in good shape (essential for male health).
*The p-spot is the prostate. It’s a gland located beneath the bladder and in front of the rectum. It is an important part of the male reproductive system, and is also unfortunately prone to cancer risk. Regular massage of the prostate gland, via the anus, is recommended to keep it in good health. Getting to know your prostate can also help you detect early symptoms such as enlargement or tenderness. As a bonus, prostate massage is extremely pleasurable, and can result in amazing orgasms that last several minutes.

** The a-spot is the Anterior Fornix Erogenous zone, found at the back of the deepest point of the vagina. It can be stimulated directly from the vagina, but is also stimulated during anal play.

Anal Probes

Not the implements carried by aliens. Anal probes are basically narrow dildos, sometimes with interesting shapes or curves, designed for anal play. They can be slowly and gently inserted into the anus until you reach a comfortable depth and then twisted, angled or slowly thrust to increase pleasure.

As with any sex toy, make sure your anal probe is made of body-safe materials, and don’t move an anal probe directly from an anus to a vagina.

Anal Plugs

Anal plugs are a perfect way to get used to anal play. They come in a range of sizes, from cute little stainless steel plugs with bejewelled stoppers, to large inflatable plugs. They can be worn for up to a few hours at a time, allowing you to get used to the sensation. Anal plugs can also be worn during foreplay and sex. Smaller anal plugs are fairly easily inserted, even if you’re a beginner. Use plenty of lube, as always, and go slowly. Press the plug gently against your sphincter and relax. It may take a minute or two of gentle probing but it will pop in quite smoothly once you’re relaxed.

Anal Beads

Anal beads are a series of small beads on either a flexible string or fixed probe. The beads are inserted into the anus with the puller or stopper left clear of the anus and easy to reach. On the point of orgasm, either the wearer or a partner pulls the beads out. This enhances sensation for both men and women, and can create a really intense orgasm. Some people prefer the beads pulled out slowly and gently, others like a quick tug. Experiment to find out what works best for you.

To insert the beads, apply lube to the beads or directly to the anus, and gently slip them in, one by one.


Ah, Mr Grey. With a stern voice and dubious intentions, one man brought all our naughty secrets out of the dungeon and into the daylight. Not that we’re complaining, since now it’s much easier to find those goodies that arouse and delight the senses. You don’t have to fantasise about being tied up, blindfolded and spanked… Just order the right tools from our kinky collection and present them to your partner with a twinkle in your eye. Before you know it you’ll be back for the whips, paddles and nipple clamps to complete the ensemble. (Don’t forget the sexy lingerie to set the perfect steamy scene….)

Don’t worry if you have no idea what all these things are or what you’re supposed to do with them … Read on and we’ll have you ready to tie up your first helpless damsel or willing guy in no time.


Bondage is one of the most popular activities in the BDSM world, and there are a number of ways to restrain someone. The easiest is to use cuffs. While they do have their place in a Naughty Cop roleplay, we advise against using actual handcuffs, as they can easily hurt the wearer in not-so-sexy ways. The best cuffs are the soft-lined leather or faux leather cuffs, or even neoprene cuffs. These are usually joined by detachable chains or cords.

Bed restraint kits are very handy, as they have cords designed to fit under your mattress with cuffs extending out at four corners for wrists and ankles. They’re adjustable for all bed sizes (and person sizes) and can provide a real sense of full restraint without too much fuss.


If you’re interested in Shibari – the Japanese art of rope bondage – you’ll find plenty of information about it on the internet. You might even be lucky enough to find a local class if you live in a big city. Shibari has even made its way into the fashion world, with dresses adorned with diamonds and criss-crosses of elegant coloured rope. The best rope to use for Shibari is simple cotton sash cord (easily available at your local hardware store) or treated jute or hemp rope. Remember to get yourself a decent pair of safety shears if you’re planning to tie your partner up, just in case you need to cut them loose in a hurry. You don’t need a heck of a lot of knowledge to do some basic restraint ties with rope – just find a decent tutorial on YouTube and watch carefully. But don’t try complicated things like suspending your partner from the ceiling, as this can really be asking for trouble.

Whips and Paddles

If you visit a BDSM party, you’ll hear a lot of talk about impact play. This is basically when someone is smacked with an implement, whether it’s a hand (and who doesn’t like a little spanking from time to time?), cane, whip or paddle.
Paddles are great if you’re just getting started. They make a good whacking noise, and can feel quite heavy on the receiving end, but they’re unlikely to do any damage and are easy to hit accurately with.

Whips and crops can be a little more tricky, and you need to be careful not to hit in danger spots like the stomach or lower back. They can hurt quite a lot – it’s a stingy sort of pain – and leave nice bruises, so they can be lots of fun. They’re still easier to manage and less likely to do major damage than canes or bigger whips can.

Position your partner over your lap, or over the end of a bed or couch. Warm them up with some light smacking and stroking of the buttocks. Between strokes of the paddle or whip, pause and lightly stroke the bum with your hand (you can take the opportunity to tease a little, and fondle them if they are responding well).

Remember, with all kinky play it’s important to have a safe word and to respect what your partner needs. If the play isn’t working for them, you must stop. Safe words are usually different to ‘no’ because in some kinds of kinky play a partner might want to be able to say ‘No’, ‘Don’t’ or ‘Stop’ as part of a role-play, without having you actually stop. So you want to choose a safe word that they can use only if they actually really want you to stop.

Nipple Clamps

Nipple clamps are applied to the nipples to cut off blood flow to that area. When they are removed, blood flow returns and the sensitivity of the nipples is greatly heightened. Depending on the tightness of the clamps, they may be fairly comfortable to wear or increasingly painful. Some nipple clamps are joined by a chain which may be decorative and also handy for a partner to tug on to increase sensation. For beginners, adjustable clamps are the easiest to work with. Clover Clamps have a mechanism that makes them particularly tight, and they are often the clamp of choice for sado-masochistic play.

Be aware, when removing nipple clamps, that the wearer may experience sharp pain. Make sure to take the clamps off quickly and not have them slip and clamp down again.

Masks & Blindfolds

Masks used in BDSM play are not the frilly masks intended to conceal the wearer’s identity, however often those might appear on the covers of erotic novels. They are more like sleep masks, or blindfolds, intended to block the wearer’s sight. He or she is then more aware of sensation, as their partner teases them with ticklers, toys, or whips. For some people, this is a highly erotic experience, while for others it’s a bit more scary. Either way, you can play with the feelings to create an intense sensual experience.


Ticklers are usually made of a bunch of light feathers at the end of a stick, and can be used to tease and titillate your partner’s body. They are popular in kinky sensation play, especially if the receiving partner is masked or blindfolded. Light, quick touch or dragging the feathers along an erogenous spot may have different responses. Take your time and enjoy exploring how your partner enjoys the sensations.

Strap-On Harnesses

Strap-on harnesses allow a person to wear the dildo of their choice in order to penetrate a partner. Pegging, in which a woman penetrates her male partner anally, can be an incredibly intimate and pleasurable experience for both partners.The harness has an o-shaped ring at the front, through which the dildo is inserted, pointing outward. The harness is then strapped around the wearer’s hips and upper thighs and adjusted for best fit. Some harnesses have a pocket type space behind the o-ring which can hold a bullet vibrator against the clitoris of the wearer.
You can also find some harnesses designed for men to wear so that they can use a dildo and the penis for double penetration of a female partner’s vagina and anus. These are a bit harder to find.


Cleaning for your Sex Toy’s

sex toy care, cleaning, adult toy hygiene

Knowing how to care for sex toys is critical to their lifespan, and to your health and wellness! If you’re building a collection, we recommend you read our comprehensive guide to How to Care For Sex Toys the Right Way!

Quality and Authenticity

There is, sadly, no world regulatory body checking on the quality of the materials used to manufacture sex toys. We wish there were, for these are toys that are in regular contact with very intimate parts of your body. If the materials they are made of are porous, they can harbour bacteria and infections that are most unpleasant indeed. That’s one reason why we don’t recommend you go for the cheapest sex toy you can spot. At Désir, we make sure our toys are authentic, high-quality toys made by reputable manufacturers. Most of these are 100% medical/food grade silicone (absolutely body safe). Others are ABS plastic, glass, aluminium or stainless steel.
We recommend you avoid toys made of jelly, rubber, vinyl, TPE/TPR ‘silicone blends’ or any that contain phthalates. A lot of Fleshlight ripoffs use names like ‘FauxFlesh’ or ‘Neoskin’. If it looks very realistic, isn’t silicone and isn’t authentic Fleshlight, chances are it’s very dodgy.

About Désir Intimate Collection


Désir Intimate Collection is South Africa’s most exclusive online store, devoted to giving our clientele private access to the finest designer brands on the intimate luxury market. Headquartered in Camps Bay, Cape Town, Désir Online has one main goal – to help our customers find stronger intimacy, form closer relationships and build passionate love lives by dispelling the myths and social stigmas that prevent people from sensual exploration & expression.

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