Désir Diaries / Couple’s Play / Questions on Couples Bedroom Bondage Answered!

Questions on Couples Bedroom Bondage Answered!

Bedroom bondage can be a tricky subject, and you may have some serious questions on your mind about it. Today’s post answers the most commonly asked questions on this type of BDSM.

As you may already know BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism. For most couples starting out in the exciting and risqué field of first-time BDSM, a lot of confusion surrounds the various practices and what is expected of each consenting participant. With the popularity of the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise, more and more couples want answers to their questions.

And this is because for many years BDSM was considered a smutty, torturous and violent practice inflicted by abusers on their victims. Why would anyone want that! Of course, the internet is beginning to make positive distinctions between real life and the fake, often explicit versions of it shown in dirty movies and in pornography.

Woman enjoys BDSM toys
Woman enjoys BDSM toys

In this epic post, we explore a subset of BDSM called bedroom bondage, the most popular of all the BDSM subtypes and answer the questions that have been burning on your mind.

Why Bondage is Not the Same as BDSM

A quick search online is enough to scare anyone away from BDSM for an indefinite period of time. The internet is a graphic, visceral place – and much of it is created for sexual gratification and fantasy as opposed to sexual education and learning.

Visiting a bondage shop may be less traumatic, but without the right information you’re still rolling in the dark. The first thing you need to know is that BDSM is an umbrella term for all forms of power play in this niche. They include:

  • Bondage and discipline
  • Domination and submission
  • Sadism and masochism

When people refer to ‘light’ bedroom bondage, they are usually talking about the first subtype, which includes bondage and discipline. This can include elements of the others and they can be as tame or as extreme as you want them to be. Mostly, bondage refers to one partner being physically or mentally restrained – while the other exerts sexual power or influence over them.

Now let’s get to your questions! We scoured the internet looking for the most commonly asked questions on bondage – and we aim to answer them for you in a safe environment!

Question 1: Does bondage have to include pain?

Absolutely not! Bedroom bondage can be sensual, fun and exciting. Pain is part of the sadism/masochism aspect which you do not have to practice if it makes you uncomfortable.

Question 2: What does bondage actually entail?

Bondage for couples involves the creative and artistic use of restraints, knots and materials in order to bind the submissive participant. You will discover your bond preferences as you experiment, from the range of positions, materials and experiences that you try with each other.

Cosmopolitan writer Molly Triffin has an amazing post on bondage here.

Question 3: Does starting with bondage mean that I will end up like those people in pornography?

Bondage is a fetish shared between two consenting adults that love each other and are usually extremely monogamous. Don’t be afraid that bedroom bondage will progress beyond what you are comfortable with. What you see online in pornography is extreme, and does not apply to most people. Forget about restraints being some kind of gateway into more extreme acts. It’s not true.

Question 4: How can I make bondage safer for my partner?

The right couples BDSM toys can go a long way in guaranteeing the safety of your partner. Bedroom bondage is about responsibility as well, which means you should never tie tight knots that strangle your partner or cause harm. Keep a pair of scissors handy in case of emergencies, and invest in clip-on restraints if you want to be ultra-safe and secure during play.

Question 5: Where can I learn how to tie effective knots?

There are many great sites that have tutorials on bedroom bondage, including The Duchy and various YouTube explainer videos (Twisted Monk or Two Knotty Boys) online.

Many books have been written about this art form, so check them out!

Question 6: How does sex work when your partner is bound?

When you get the right gear from the bondage shop, you can switch positions easily and won’t have to untie your partner to have sex with them. If you’re using rope, pick the right position beforehand, because engaging your partner while they are bound is part of the fun and fantasy.

Question 7: Does there have to be a dominant or submissive partner?

Couples bondage really depends on the couple, so there doesn’t always have to be a strong power dynamic, and you can take turns being the one tied up during bedroom bondage if you’d prefer a more equal exchange. You make the rules, not the internet or anyone else! Do what you enjoy.

BDSM toys enhance couples play
BDSM toys enhance couples play

Question 8: Can bondage negatively impact a relationship?

Bedroom bondage takes a lot of trust between two people, and because of the power plays involved – requires something called aftercare once the ‘play’ is over for it to remain healthy. If you engage in bondage and don’t do aftercare – where you talk about your feelings and what just happened in the bedroom – negative feelings can result.

Take 15 minutes after each bondage session to love, appreciate and discuss things with your partner. It will make your relationship stronger in the long run and will keep you both happy!

We hope that these answers have helped orientate you on what it’s actually like getting into the bedroom bondage scene for couples! There is so much misperception and assumption that happens where sexual exploration is concerned, this information is bound to come in handy.

So, where can I buy bedroom bondage gear in SA? Luckily, Désir specifically caters for beginners that want to experiment with being tied-up, tied-down and everything in-between! Choose from our amazing selection of Fifty Shades bondage gear, or pick something a little more rugged if you dare.

Did you enjoy this post? Then you’ll love:

Is your bondage question still unanswered? Ask it here and we will take care of that!

About Jade

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I am the Operations Manager at Désir & feel so privileged to have been a part of this adventure from the very beginning, conceptualizing and building our amazing lingerie and sex toy ranges. Having a Diploma in Business Analysis my aim is to assist in the streamlining of processes, thereby ensuring maximum efficiency, remaining relevant by keeping up to date with trends, and producing statistical analysis in order to meet our consumer’s needs.

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